A Mediterranean Father’s Day Frittata

I love my dad.

Many folks say their either a momma’s boy or daddy’s boy or whatever – personally, I love them equally. When I’m with my mom, I’m a momma’s boy – and vice versa with my pops.

So I like to do whatever I can for them to show my appreciation. Honestly, I think celebrating my birthday’s silly – WTF did I do? Shit, I actually tried to strangle myself in the womb, so its not like a whole lot of work went into my birth from my end. That was all my Mama, and partially my dad, so my birthday really should be me thanking them profusely for not just saying ‘fuck it lets try again next year’ since I was such a little pain.

Anyway, I digress. Last Saturday I picked up my dad’s dog Ralphie (sweet old boxer) and headed down to San Diego to see my dad.

From left to right - Ralphie, Myrddin (mer-thin), and Lady

This one’s for you Pops.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 20-25 minutes

Cook Time: 40-45 minutes

Feeds: 3-4 people

  • 1 large red bell pepper
  • 1 yellow zucchini
  • 1 roma tomato
  • 1 large red onion
  • 1/2 pound pitted kalamata olives
  • 8 oz cheese curds of some sort (ricotta or mozzarella)
  • 6 eggs
  • 1/4 cup half and half
  • cayenne
  • fresh cracked black pepper

The Puzzle

1. Preheat oven to 375

2. finely dice (very nearly mince) all your veggies except the kalamata’s. We want these roughly chopped.

3. Combine eggs, half and half, cheese curds, olives in a bowl and whip together vigorously

4. In a pan on high heat, saute your finely diced veggies with some oil, 1 tsp cayenne, and some fresh cracked black pepper until see through. No more than 5 minutes

5. In a deep casserole dish, ideally 7x7x4, place your sauteed veggies

6. top with the egg mixture and lightly combine. We still want most of the veggies on the bottom

I had some extra cloth bound cheddar sitting around, which i crumbled on top

7. Stick it in the oven for about 40 minutes, or until a knife stuck in the center comes out completely clean. It should puff up considerably.

8. Once done, let stand at room temperature at least 10 minutes

9. For an extra special kick, serve with tzatziki sauce. I’ll be doing my own version of this soon enough.

10. Remind your father just how much you love him, and enjoy!

YUMMM

Simply Stir Fried

Recently I’ve come to relish my lazy Sundays. Given i’m often working the day before, its the only day I have to relax and pretend for a moment life isn’t so incredibly stressful. Sit outside in the afternoon sunlight with a refreshing cocktail or craft beer, read a book, and in the words of the immortal Tim Leary “Turn on, tune in, drop out”. So there I was with my BFF (grief me later, k?) Brandon craving veggies – raw, simple, no complex or cultured proteins. The reason I went vegetarian in the first fucking place – also, it occurred to me I have yet to share my stir fry recipe with ya’ll. Nothing particularly remarkable about this one, except that I cooked it, which makes it awesome.

So, yeah, you should do it.

First off – do you have a Wok? No?

Don’t fuck with me. Go out and buy one, then come back – its a goddamn necessity, not just for stir fry’s, but all kinds of fun kitchen related activities. Since I’m a younger male adult, I went with a standard flat bottomed non stick version (very Westernized, but works much better on these shitty stoves). If you can handle it, go high carbon or go home.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 15 minutes tops

Feeds: 2-3 people

Still waiting on the new fancy cutting board šŸ˜¦

  • 1/2 head of cabbage
  • 1 bunch green onions
  • 2 large carrots
  • 1/2 red onion
  • 4 jalapenos – I went with red and green
  • 2 large stalks celery
  • 1 head of broccoli
  • 2 cups of brown rice
  • 1/4 cup low sodium soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp sesame oil
  • 3 tbsp red wine vinegar
  • 1 tsp paprika
  • Salt
  • Pepper

The Puzzle

1. Combine your liquid ingredients (sesame oil, red wine vinegar, soy sauce, sambal) with your paprika, salt, and pepper. Chill in the fridge to allow the flavors to combine

2. Julienne all of your vegetables. We’re looking for match stick style here – no more than 1/4 inch thickness, although the cabbage can be longer. And be sure to de-rib/seed your peppers

3. Heat 2 tbsp Olive Oil in your wok – just before it begins smoking, so it shimmers

4. Cook your rice as per usual. It won’t be cooking in the wok, so make sure its to desired doneness.

5. Throw your veggies into the super hot wok

I know what you're thinking - beautiful hands. Before you ask, I've already turned down several watch modeling jobs to pursue an illustrious career in...food...blogging?

6. Stir constantly, without reducing the heat. We’re looking to impart ‘Wok Hei’, or the essence of the wok, to these tasty lil veggies, and this requires a bit of work.

BAM - Wok action shot

7. Throw a bit of your sauce on (not too much, or it’ll steam) and when the carrots are just barely translucent remove from the heat.

8. Serve over rice immediately and top with desired quantity of sauce.

See, that steam, that smell – THAT is Wok Hei. Hard to really achieve, but if you do, you’ll know immediately. Special stuff.

Oh! Special Bonus Recipe Round

Perfect Potato Wedges

Gonna keep this short/sweet.

Slice however many Russet’s you like into wedges, thusly, and dust with rosemary and olive oil.

I was going to bake them, but that ended horribly...pan fry for great success!

Pan fry them in enough Olive Oil to coat each wedge until golden brown and AWESOME.

Next…dust with that delicious Truffle Salt I convinced you to buy already.

Bask in your friends adoration at how quickly you whipped up the best potato wedge thats ever graced their lips.

Birthday Shenanigans, tofu squares and phyllo fuck ups

So for those unaware, last Wednesday was my birthday.

*pauses for applause*

Ever since breaking up with my girlfriend last year, I haven’t been particularly concerned with birthday’s – honestly, that was always her kick, not really a big thing for me. To be honest, my birthday should be about my mom, who did the work…I didn’t have much to do with the process.

After enough text messages and calls though, I had to acquiesce and throw myself a party. My poor non vegetarian friends would get another chance to sample some more of my awesomeness, and I’d get an excuse to clean the townhome and cook some more recent ideas.

I received the first idea from Lindsay over at The Kitchen Opera’s, and wanted to do some phyllo dough ‘nests’Ā  filled with herbed Chevre and caramelized onions, topped with balsamic reduction and truffle salt.

Phyllo fuck ups

The Pieces

Prep Time: 5 minutes, unless you suck that hard at cutting onions, then its 10

Cook Time: nearly an hour, all told

Feeds: About 6 drunks and 2 stoners. If I had to guess.

  • 8 oz Chevre, or other herbed goat cheese
  • 4 large sweet onions
  • 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
  • 2 tbsp sugar
  • 8 oz or so of Phyllo dough, properly defrosted and separated
  • 1/4 cup olive oil (not EVOO, or canola, just regular fucking Olive Oil)
  • PAM, or some other spray non stick stuff

The Puzzle

Theres a reason I call this ‘recipe’ Phyllo Fuck ups. I fucked up. The original idea had been to use a muffin tin, place a few sheets of Phyllo inside, and have cute little nests.

Turns out I don’t have a muffin tin.

How this happened, I’m not entirely sure, but in a fit of improvisation I just used a few cookie sheets, and layered the nests so they were closer to sandwiches. So it wasn’t a complete disaster…just didn’t turn out quite as pretty as I’d hoped for

Lets be quaint and call this 'not the best presentation ever'

0. Preheat your oven to 400

1. Dice your onions (all four)

2. Heat your 1/4 cup of oil in a large flat bottomed pan – once its hot, but not smoking, reduce the heat to medium-high

3. Add the diced onions.

4. Stirring every 5 minutes or so, cook for about 30 minutes. By this time the onions should be quite wilted and browned

5. Add 1 tbsp sugar and stir to coat. Cook for another 10 minutes or until nearly black and sweetly caramelized. Set aside

6. Tear a bunch of phyllo sheets to create a 3″ square bed

7. Form your assembly line, pictured below.8. For each pasty, fill with a decent amount (no more than 2 tbsp) onion, top with crumbled Chevre, then finally a phyllo ‘hat’

9. For your cooking sheet – even if its nonstick, spray it down. Then once the pastries are placed on top, spray again for that golden brown color

10. Bake until golden brown, or about 10 minutes – during this time, make your balsamic reduction by simmering the vinegar with the last tbsp of sugar until reduced by half

Laura taking point on the balsamic reduction...in a rather stabby way

11. Once the pastries are done, drizzle with reduction, top with your crazy ass expensive truffle salt I just convinced you to buy because it will change your life and enjoy!

I’m kind of glad to get that one out of the way. Don’t get me wrong, they were tasty – damn tasty – but just…a mess.

Breaded Tofu Squares with Spicy Peanut Slaw

So, even before I started those little piles of fail, I’d gotten my tofu ready for the finale by marinating the slices in a mixture of peanut sauce, soy sauce, and Sriracha (affectionately referred to as ‘Cock Sauce’ around the house). The sauce was simple, the prep time low, and presentation was quite nice. Definite success.

The Pieces – Sauce (use half for marinade)

12 ounces pre made thai peanut sauce.

8 ounces low sodium Soy Sauce

4 ounces Sriracha (or more depending on how spicy you like it)

The Rest of the Pieces

8 oz bag of Panko Bread Crumbs

2 12 oz packages Extra Firm Tofu

1 fresh cucumber (although I guess ‘fresh’ is a given. Unless it was a pickle…)

1 16 oz package Broccoli Slaw

2 tbsp Olive Oil

The Puzzle

0. Toss your broccoli slaw with your sauce (this is half the mixture I listed in the ‘sauce’ section) and set in the fridge for at least 30 mins

1. Drain your tofu. Slice it in half horizontally, then cut vertically to achieve squares. Line up in your casserole pan, pour the marinade on top, as pictured.

If you don't have enough marinade using half, add more soy sauce

2. Once the tofu has marinated for at least an hour, dredge it in panko breadcrumbs

Whats with the hammer, you say? Good question

3. Heat your oil in a large flat bottomed pan and pan fry the tofu in batches til golden brown on each side

4. While this is happening, slice your cucumber thinly and as your squares come out of the pan, top them with one cucumber slice

5. After all the Tofu’s been cooked, top with a cute little pile of the broccoli slaw, thusly:

Let cool in the fridge for about 5 minutes, and enjoy!

I’ll be linking some new picsĀ  here so check ’em out!

Hot Pepper on Pepper action

mmm…yeah baby…

Can you feel it?

Yea, you feel it.

Now run your hands down your hips…and pull off those ribs. A little lower, tease those seeds out and toss ’em on the floor, lets slip into something a little more comfortable.

Like…another pepper. Kinky, right?

Just wait.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 20 minutes

Cook time: About an hour

That watermelon in the back was frozen and juiced for dessert - FUCK YES I RULE

Serves: A shitload of drunk people. 12 or so.

  • 2 habanero chile’s
  • 3 jalapeno’s
  • 6 large bell peppers (I used 2 red, 2 green, and 2 orange)
  • 1 large white onion
  • 3 carrots
  • 1/2 cup fresh peas
  • 3 stalks celery
  • 1/3 cup toasted and crushed pistachios
  • 1 cup burrata
  • 12 oz veg stock
  • 2 cups brown rice, cooked
  • 3 cloves garlic minced or pressed
  • 1 tbsp olive oil
  • 1 tsp chili powder
  • 1 tsp cayenne
  • 1 tsp cumin
  • fresh cracked black pepper
  • salt to taste

The Puzzle

Now, there are two ways you can do this: Vegan and Vegetarian. I went for the vegetarian route, since I had some left over cheese (think gouda infused with black truffle, look me in the eye, and TRY TO SAY NO), but if you leave this out you’ve got a damn tasty vegan dish on your hands

0. Preheat your oven to 375

1. Start chopping. Brunoise your carrots, celery, jalapeno (nifty trick here – slice in half lengthwise, then use a spoon to scoop out seeds and ribs), dice your onion, hull your peas, then open up your bell peppers end to end as shown in the pic below. Remove the seeds and ribs here as well, but leave the stems for effect. Looks nifty, and Jaime Oliver did it, so its cool.

Watermelon's in the freezer now, chillin

2. Boil your rice until its nearly done, but not quite, and set aside

3. Toast your pistachios. Use a nonstick pan on high heat, and toss constantly or they will burn. And you don’t want to be THAT asshole at the party.

4. Let the pistachios cool – you’ll need to crush them up later. I’d suggest pulsing in a food processor a few times – I had to use a fucking lemon juicer, and I don’t want to talk about how that went.

5. In another wider pan, with a lip on the sides at least an inch high, heat your oil til its nice and shimmery. Now the dangerous step…if you have plastic gloves, use ’em. If you have a vent above your stove…turn it on NOW. Seriously. I want you to break the habaneros in half…and put them in the oil. Just for a few minutes, long enough to season the oil, then get that shit out, or you’ll light your face on capsacin fire.

6. Add all your chopped veggies (NOT the rice/bell peppers. Don’t be silly now.)

7. Once the onion’s translucent, add your spices. Let them coat the veggies, then ‘deglaze’ by adding your veggie stock, followed by the rice.

8. Cook this down til nicely combined, about 5-10 minutes on medium high heat, then (if vegetarian) add the burrata

9. Stuff into your pepper halves, and line them up on either a baking sheet or ideally in a casserole dish thats been lightly oiled

10. Grate whatever cheese you like on top (remember that truffle infused gouda? OH YEAH)

So purty

11. Bake for about an hour, or until crispy crunchy.

Taken in a great hurry, as they were disappearing fast...

Some Sort of Strudel, or “Sweet Jebaz I tried to Bake” (WIP)

A little back story:

It was Sunday night and my close friends were having a BBQ. I was still at work, and needed something I could whip up in a pinch, with less than 20 bucks. I had some overripe bananas on the counter, and a weird desire to bake a pastry – something I haven’t done since I was in cooking class.

So I thought I’d fry up some banana and raisin ‘spring rolls’ using wonton wrappers, rather like Turron, the Filipino dessert. Plan in hand I ventured off to my nearby relatively price efficient Ralphs…only to be horribly disappointed. I suppose it was foolish to expect them to stock something as simple as wonton wrappers…so I went with puff pastry.

I’ve never used puff pastry.

Its inherent in the name – it puffs. I just didn’t realize how much.

Still, I like to think this came out pretty damn well for a fool stumbling in an unknown realm.

(pics to come)

The Pieces

Prep Time: 8 minutes

Cook Time: 20 minutes or so

  • 4 overripe bananas
  • 1 cup (or so) California Raisins
  • 1/4 cup cinnamon sugar (just combine cinnamon til it has an even color)
  • 1 tsp fresh nutmeg
  • 2 tbsp honey
  • 1 tbsp ghee (clarified butter)
  • egg wash (beat an egg with a bit of milk till its smooth)
  • 2 sheets puff pastry

the puzzle

0. Preheat your oven to 375

1. Slice your banana’s in half lengthwise, then cut into 1/4″ pieces

2. Mix with raisins and cinnamon sugar, and microplane a bit of nutmeg in as well

3. Thaw out your puff pastry sheets. I set them on top of the preheating oven with quick results.

4. The sheets should each be folded in thirds. I used this to my advantage to make 3 pastries by cutting on the folds, which yields 6 sheets. For each pastry:

5. Lay one out and top with a generous (1 inch high) mound of the banana mixture

6. Top with another pastry sheet. Use a fork to connect the two sheets, then take a knife and make regular slices on the bias in the top of the pastry itself.

7. Brush with egg wash for that golden brown goodness

8. Bake until all puffed up and golden – about 15 minutes

Topping:

You should have about a cup of the banana mixture remaining. I was inspired to turn this into a topping of sorts for the dish.

1. Put the remaining mixture into a small sauce pan with the butter and honey

2. On medium heat, begin stirring – you’ll notice the banana begins to dissolve immediately.

3. Continue until fully liquefied…

Once the ‘strudel’ is outta the oven and cooling, spread your topping over each piece.

Serve with light beer and good friends – although, to be honest, I really wasn’t terribly pleased with the outcome. It was received well, but then again, these are my friends and their opinions are a little biased.

I think the dish needs something more, something to ‘kick it up a notch’ as that fat Creole fuck likes to say.

I’m open to suggestions!

Uber Veggie Quesadilla, or Love at first Bite

Another one for the books.

I often find myself, in the wee hours of the morning, or when the roomies aren’t around, watching my ‘guilty pleasures’ – Food Network shows like Guys Big Bite, or Tyler’s Ultimate. It was one such occasion that inspired this deviant work. He called it a ‘Coyote Quesadilla‘, but me being me I had to expand upon it.

I was planning the whole thing out when I met Chef Andi of the World Fare truck.

I’d gotten her to come to Treyarch and serve us on Saturday, and I knew a lot about her, but I never expected her to be so awesome. So, in the course of us chatting, she mentioned I should try ‘Soyrizo’, since she’d had it just the other day and couldn’t for the life of her tell the difference.

A deviant plan was born.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 20 minutes of chopping

Cook Time: 15 minutes in the oven (not including the 5 minutes for the soyrizo)

  • 1 package Soyrizo (they sell it cheap at Ralphs, and it tastes remarkably good)
  • 1 12 oz can Fat Free refried beans
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 6-7 small sweet peppers, diced
  • 1 bunch green onions, sliced
  • 8 oz shredded mozzarella
  • 8 oz shredded cheddar
  • 8 oz shredded pepper jack
  • 12 oz can of sliced ‘nacho’ jalapenos
  • 2 tbsp olive oil
  • Cumin/Paprika/Fresh cracked black

Sauce

  • 1 8 oz tub of sour cream
  • 4 oz ranch dressing
  • 1 can Chipotles in Adobo sauce

The Puzzle

1. Preheat oven to 375

2. Heat the oil in a skillet on high. Once shimmering, add onions

3. As the onions saute, squeeze the soyrizo into the onions

4. Reduce heat to medium and allow to combine. Add your spices.

5. In a separate pan, brown 3 tortillas on high til just barely crispy

6. Once the soyrizo is rendered down (5 mins or so) take it off the heat

7. To put it all together: 1st layer, spread a thin layer of beans, followed by the soyrizo/onion mixture, followed by green onion and bell pepper, and topped by 1/3 of the cheese and jalapenos

8. Add the next tortilla, repeat the layering. Use the final tortilla as the cap, top with jalapenos and the rest of the cheese

9. this goes into the oven for approximately 10 minutes, or until golden brown and orgasmic

Sauce

1/2 the sour cream, the ranch dressing, 2 chipotle chili’s and some Adobo, pulse in your blender til creamy.

I served this rather like a cake (as you can see) with sour cream and the sauce on top.

Seriously amazingly tasty. Amazingly.

gooey and goddamn amazing. *DROOL* Now I want some more...

Leaving Lorraine

Quiche style.

Recently I’ve read on several blogs, including here at the simple stove, vegetarian varieties of quiche, a favored dish of mine…however, being the ‘rebel’ I am, I decided on a different take. I ditched the crust, used a variety of cheeses, and ended up with easily the best fucking quiche I have ever cooked let alone tasted. The closest one I can thing of is Urth Caffe‘s veggie tomato and smoked mozzarella.

My photographer/camera op room mate took a bunch of beautiful pics, which I’ll upload later when I find my memory card reader.

Lets get started.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 25 minutes…or so

  • 8 oz fresh Ricotta
  • 6 oz fresh grated pepper jack
  • 4 oz Minuet or something comparable
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/2 cup skim milk
  • 1/4 cup diced white onion
  • 1/2 cup sliced green onion
  • 4 cloves minced or pressed garlic
  • 1/4 cup diced celery
  • 1 tbsp Olive Oil
  • salt
  • fresh cracked black

Aww, ain't Brandon talented...

The Puzzle

0. Preheat oven to 375

1. Use 2 burners to heat up a 13″x9″ pyrex casserole on high

2. Saute your garlic and green onion until the white portion of the onion is transparent. Remove the onion/garlic from the pan, and turn off the burners

3. Layer your broccoli, white onion and celery in the bottom of the casserole dish

4. Combine milk, eggs, salt, pepper, green onion and garlic in a bowl. Begin whisking together, adding in the ricotta and 3 oz of the pepper jack slowly.

5. Once smoothly combined, pour evenly into the pyrex dish.

AWESOMEINORITE

Again, Brandon my photographer

6. Top with crumbled bits of minuet (I was just lucky enough to have this delicious shit on hand. Feta/gorgonzola could also do the trick) and remaining portion of Pepper Jack

Sometimes, my talents scares me

7. Stick it into the oven until golden brown on top, or when a knife stuck in the center comes out w/o egg on it

FUCK YEA

I know, right?

Burrata, Berries, Badassery

For the first time in a long time I found myself with a weekend all to myself. Roommates were either out of town or busy, and I actually didn’t have to work. Given my skimpy budget, I had to make do with minimal groceries – but I did have enough to treat myself to some severely sick ovo-lacto vegetarian decadence. Some of you may be unaware of this, but I generally don’t like sweet desserts. This, however, is something I can get behind.

On Friday I’d visited Andrew’s Cheese shop (review coming Friday, after a follow up visit) and picked up, among other items, a pound of fresh Burrata.

For those of you who don’t know:

Burrata cheese is more a variety of mozzarella than anything else – its a thin Mozzarella sack filled with cream and bits of, you guessed it, more mozzarella. It is quite hard to find, so should you be so lucky, run home with some crusty bread and some balsamic vinegar, for you are in for a treat.

So i’d already been eating my burrata on italian loaf with a balsamic glaze when it occurred to me to try this out. Very simple, and very delicious.

The Pieces

1/2 cup each of blueberries, raspberries, and sliced strawberries

1/2 pound Burrata cheese

High quality clover honey

The Puzzle

I’m not even putting steps here, its that simple –

Cheese, honey, berries, mix. Love me sexy.

For some intense variety I can also recommend a balsamic reduction be drizzled over the top, but thats really up to you

o fuck yea. iPhone camera FTW.

Epic Veggie Sammie

Made this as a vehicle for some fresh home made mozzarella I picked up from Andrews Cheese Shop on Friday (Review incoming, fucking love that place) but ended up actually not putting any cheese in, and it turned out to be a spectacular (and nearly vegan) vegetarian sandwich.

The Pieces

Prep Time: 15-20 mins

Cook Time: well…if you count toasting the bread…5 minutes? Its a fucking sandwich

  • 1 8 ozĀ  tub Roasted Garlic Hummus
  • 1 italian loaf of bread
  • A pile of sliced pepperoncinis – call it 6 oz
  • A handful fresh basil leaves, enough to coat your bread twice
  • 1 julienned red onion
  • A handful of pickles. For best results use 3 ‘stackers
  • 1 tsp Olive Oil
  • 1 tbsp Red Wine Vinegar
  • Fresh cracked black pepper

The Puzzle

1. Slice out a portion of the italian loaf about 6×8 inches, cut clean in half (as pictured)

2. heat some olive oil in a pan and sear the bread lightly (as you would a grilled cheese sandwich). Set aside.

3. Julienne your red onion

4. Dice your giardiniera

5. Wash your basil

6. Spread your bread with hummus, and layer one side with half your basil, and one side with your giardiniera

7. Layer red onion (no more than 10-12 slices) and pepperoncini’s on top of the basil

8. Top this with another layer of basil

9. Layer your pickles on top of your giardiniera

10. Drizzle the olive oil over both sides, same with the vinegar. Crack some fresh black over both.

Just...pretty

11. Combine your sandwich halves

12. Grab a glass of white wine, sit outside in the afternoon sun, and fucking bask in sandwich valhalla.

Its blurry cuz its on its way into my MOUTH

WTFucked Vegan Scramble

I apologize for any kind of hiatus, I worked well over 200 hours in 2 weeks – not that I have some massive reader base to appease, but for what its worth, I’m back with a vegetarian vengeance.

This is something I threw together around 1:30 am after a crazed run to Ralphs with some fellow foodies. Its Vegan, so relatively healthy, but I can’t vouch specifically for caloric content, given my status as resident fatcat.

Damn skippy, bitches

The Pieces

Prep Time: 15 mins

Cook Time: 20 mins

2 large russet potatoes

2 large zucchini’s (is that even the proper plural?)

2 jalapenos

1 red onion

2 limes

1 bunch fresh cilantro

1 red bell pepper

1 orange bell pepper

A few slices sprouted vegan bread for toast

The Puzzle

1. Break down your jalapenos. To do this easily:

  • Split the jalapeno from stem to tip
  • Drag a teaspoon down the center, removing the ribs and seeds
  • Slice lengthwise, evenly
  • Turn sideways and dice into a brunoise

2. Dice your onion. To do this:

  • Slice in half, from stem to stem
  • Take each half and slice it into half again.
  • Lay the half you are breaking down flat on the board and slice 90% of the way into it laterally
  • Spaced a quarter of an inch apart slice downwards, cutting towards the root, but again not all the way – we need that root to hold the onion together
  • Now slice about a quarter of an inch apart parallel to the root
  • Notice your awesome dice! (pictures to follow on the technique page)

3. Roughly chop up some cilantro

4. Combine this with the onion and jalapeno – squeeze both limes over the top of this mixture, and set in the fridge for at least 30 mins

5. While that shit marinates, peel your potatoes

6. Using the largest side of a cheese grater, grate both the potatoes and zucchini over some folded up paper towels. This will need to drain for a while.

7. Julienne your bell peppers

8. Heat a nonstick skillet on high, and throw your onion mixture (sans oil) in there. Use the lime juice to saute until lightly browned. Remove and set aside.

9. Now the interesting part – combine yourĀ  potato/zucchini mixture with the bell peppers. The natural moisture of the potatoes/zucchini, despite them being dried, should allow you to form very loose patties (think diner hashbrowns). Form at least 2 of these quasi burgers and get them into your still warm pan.

10. Once fully browned on both sides, remove and top with the now cooled onion mixture.

Healthy and filling. This shit’s the tits, even if my recipe sucks.

And now I present this funny baby.

Ha. Funny baby.